Second Half Read online

  I think Derrick can tell that I’m about to freak out, as he grabs me by the arms and gives me a quick shake. “Zoey, Suzie is fine. She and Ben are home now. It was fake labor.”

  Fake labor? Huh? And although I’m somewhat relieved that both Suzie and the baby are okay, I’m also enjoying Derrick touching me. Oh my God, Zoey, snap out of it!

  I shake him off and put some distance between us. I need to call Suzie. When my call goes to voicemail, I shoot two quick texts to her to confirm that she and the baby are all right.

  Me: Please tell me you’re okay???

  Me: I love you, Suz!!!

  “Can nothing go right today?” I’m back to pacing the ballroom again. “Look, Derrick, I appreciate you trying to sub for Bennie tonight, I really do, but I’m going to have to pass.” I say, and before he has a chance to cut me off, I follow up with, “You know nothing about the foundation, and honestly, you don’t represent what we are trying to get across here.”

  His blue eyes turn glacier. “Really, Zoey? Seriously? You’re going to fuck up this night because…why?” He snaps at me. Honestly, I find this side of him slightly scary. And completely sexy. The man should be outlawed, he is so damn handsome. “What you’re trying to say is that a manwhore doesn’t represent the Coach’s Shadow Foundation, right? Fuck you! I loved your old man too, and if anyone gets it, it’s me!”

  “That is not what I am saying, Derrick.” I say quickly, trying to defuse his anger. When did he get so…drool worthy? Where the hell did that come from? “It’s just you have no idea what is going on. Or what we’re attempting to achieve here tonight. Ben and I have been working together on this for the past sixteen months.”

  “Fuck you, Zoey. I’m a football player, not a fucking moron! And did you forget that Ben is my best friend? He’s brought me up to speed.” Derrick has worked himself up now, and there isn’t much that can stop him except maybe Ben or a Mack truck. I use to be able to calm him. Now I only piss him off whenever I open my mouth. Admittedly, the man is magnificent in his anger.

  “You know, I did manage to get a fucking degree from the same school you did. And it wasn’t in English Literature.” He tosses at me snidely. Derrick always thought that I was wasting my talents on English. “I know exactly what it is you are trying to accomplish here,” he says, finally running out of steam, as if a balloon popped and Derrick’s anger just...poof...evaporated. Huh? That’s a first.

  “Jesus, let me help you. I promise I won’t let you or Mac down.”

  “I learned years ago what your promises mean, Derrick.” I snap. God, I still ache when I look at him. He fell out of love with me, and I know I shouldn’t hold that against him for the rest of our lives; however, my self-preservation mechanism kicks in and I lash out. At least that’s what my shrink says. I have a love/hate relationship toward Derrick. Meaning, I’ve spent the past eight years loving him...and hating myself for it. To be honest, I’m getting tired of holding onto all of the anger. It’s exhausting.

  With a heavy sigh of defeat, I give in. “I’m sorry, that was rude and mean.” The look of shock on his face when I apologize is priceless. “Fine, you can stand in for Ben tonight.” Derrick’s face lights up, and it’s as if all is right in my world.

  I grab my handbag and start to walk out of the ballroom. “Talk to Claire about the logistics for tonight.” And being the snarky bitch that I am, I can’t just leave it at that. Reaching the door, I look back at him and add. “Oh and, Derrick, you let me down, I will bury you. Make sure that you’re on time. And please don’t bring a prostitute.” It’s a shitty parting line, and I have to admit for someone so bright, it was lacking my normal verve. But it is all I can muster at the moment.

  As I walk out, I swear I hear Derrick mutter, “You buried me eight years ago, Duchess. This wouldn’t be something new.”

  I HAVE ABOUT AN hour before the car will be here to pick me up and I’m procrastinating. Fixing myself a cocktail, I wander outside onto the back deck and toss a ball to my boys. All three of them.

  I’m not a crazy dog lady, I swear. Reilly and Steeler were my first babies; then I inherited Sam, Dad’s dog. And as much as I like to think I’m head bitch in my house, they know I’m a push over. I could use Cesar the Dog Whisperer to come in and work his magic. Unfortunately, no amount of magic can revive my two pairs of Jimmy Choos and a Louis Vuitton. At least Steeler has good taste.

  Taking a sip, I watch them play as I stew over Derrick being my keynote for tonight. Mac used to tell me that I was like a dog with a bone—never able to just let things go. Despite what I think of Derrick, I know that he has the foundation’s best interest at heart. He loved my dad and Daddy loved him; he wouldn’t let Mac down. They even kept their relationship going over the years. Derrick is aware of what Dad went through in the last two years of his life. And I’m sure, thanks to Suzie and Ben, Derrick also knows I cut my hours back at work and moved home to take care of him. Mac was, after all, my hero; and I would be damned if some stranger took care of him.

  Even with cutting my hours back, I was still working fifty hours a week. Between Claire and me, we managed to take care of him the best we could; it wasn’t enough. We just didn’t have the skill set required. Fucking diabetes. It’s called the silent killer for a reason. How was I supposed to know that he had open wounds on his legs? When asked if he wanted to shower, his customary answer was that he was too tired.

  One heart attack, two strokes, kidney disease, diabetes, dialysis three times a week—the old man hung in there like a trooper. And what does it? Fucking lesions on his legs.

  I thought it was hard to watch my mother die. Nope. Nothing is harder than watching the man you worship slowly waste away. Witnessing his strength weaken and fade before your eyes. And having to make the final decisions as to keep the agony going or not...yeah, no words.

  When all is said and done, I blame myself for his death. That’s my cross to bear; and I live with it every day.

  I’m still angry. At him. God. The world. I’m broken. That’s why I formed the foundation. It’s my way of making peace with the guilt I harbor and shroud myself in. Why I’ve put everything I have into it to make it a success. Mac and I had a special bond, and his anger with me over the past eight years makes the scars I carry seem like nothing. That’s another layer of guilt that I carry, the unwanted pain my family had to go through back then. But the foundation, I am hoping, no, counting on it being my ultimate gift to Mac. I may have started small, but I have bigger plans for the Coach’s Shadow Foundation. Eventually, the best in football will come to us, instead of us having to go to them.

  A half hour later and a second drink in hand, the boys and I head back inside and to my bedroom. Reilly and Steeler are hot on my heels. The Yorkie and Chiweenie follow me around everywhere, and it makes me smile; I love it.

  “Well guys, today is the day,” I say to them as I pull my dress out of the closet. I spent more than I should have on it, but whatever, it’s stunning. Black velvet, form fitting, long sleeves, and a slit in the front that goes to my upper thigh, the dress is classy and elegant. The best part is it’s backless and stops just north of the tattoos that take up my lower back. Love, Hope and Faith in Japanese and a butterfly.

  I’m a relatively conservative person; and unless you know me, you would never know that I’m a tattoo girl. I hide them well, but I love them. They have become an addiction for me. Just knowing they are there gives me a thrill. Like wearing pretty panties. People don’t know you’re wearing them, but you still feel sexy. And don’t get me started on a man with tattoos. A chill sweeps through me as I remember Derrick’s new ink on his forearms. The man always had amazing arms.

  Sitting down on the bench at the end of my bed to put on my sheer, black stockings, I take a sip of my cocktail. I don’t want to be drunk, just need to take the edge off. I also need to shake a leg as I catch a glimpse of the clock on my dresser. Maybe playing with the boys wasn’t the smartest thing.

  Stepping in
to my dress, I look in the mirror and remember the last time that Derrick saw me all dressed up. It was Suzie and Ben’s wedding. He was the best man, for whatever that is worth, and I was the maid of honor.

  “God, Suzie, you are gonna make Ben wet himself,” I say to my best friend.

  Suzie is in an off-white Vera Wang original. It’s a strapless Cinderella inspired creation, puffy and absolutely perfect for the future Mrs. Anderson. Ben wanted to make sure that Suzie got her dream. And she has. He even paid for all of us girls to go to Vegas for the bachelorette party. All I can say is four days of drinking, dancing, and gambling in Vegas is three days too many. But Suzie had a ball and that’s all that matters. And honestly, it was fun!

  She and I are alone in the bridal suite of the chapel. Her mom, the hoverer, is making sure that everything in the church is perfect. “I’m sorry, Zo.”

  “What for?” I ask as I start to fidget with her veil.

  Grabbing my hand and making me look at her, she softly says, “That you have to deal with Derrick today.” My hands start shaking immediately.

  “Don’t...okay? It’s all about you and Bennie today. And frankly, Derrick Hendrickson can suck my left boob!” I say, making her laugh.

  “Still,” she says through her laugh, “I know it hurts you. I don’t want you to hurt.”

  I place my hands on each side of my best friend’s face, and say, “Suz, I’m good. It was four years ago. Besides, it’s his loss.” I kiss her on the lips as carefully as I can, as not to disturb her lipstick. “Now, let’s go get you married to the hot quarterback.”

  “It should be you, you know. He still loves you.”

  “Stop it!” I snap, and take a deep breath because I don’t ever want to yell at Suzie, especially not today. “Please Suz...I can’t.”

  Maybe I’m not dealing with this so well. It’s been four fucking years. I should be over him by now. I blink back tears that are always present whenever it comes to Derrick.

  "I’m five by five,” I say with a tremble in my voice as an apology, a reference to our favorite show, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and it makes her laugh. “Today is all about you. Now let’s go. You’ve got a beautiful man waiting on you at the front of the chapel. Plus, I’ve got a feeling that if we are one minute late, Ben will storm the castle to get to you; then your mom really will freak out.”

  Shaking myself out of the bittersweet memory, I walk over to my dresser and spritz on my favorite perfume. Next, I slip on the diamond hoop earrings I bought for myself last year and the matching cuff bracelet that I splurged on this year. Last, the pièce de résistance, the Christian Louboutins that I bought on a whim two years ago. The shoes alone make me feel sexy. “Totally worth it,” I say. And with one last look in the mirror, I leave my bedroom.

  THE DRIVER PULLS up to Claire’s house, and as I wait on her and my niece to come out, I lose myself once more in my memories.

  It was a beautiful ceremony. Suzie got it all, and I couldn’t be happier for her. Although, every time my eyes wander to Derrick, my heart breaks. We were supposed to be married two years ago. Jackass!

  As it is, I’m standing at the bar, drinking my happiness/heartache away. I’m about to ask for another chardonnay when I hear him. His voice both soothes and breaks my heart in turn.

  “Well darlin’, I’d say yes to that fuck, but it is my best friend’s wedding. Someone might miss me if I’m gone too long. And to do you properly, I’d have to be gone awhile,” he says.

  The train wreck he is with giggles. He hated girls that giggled. What has happened to him?

  “We could just go into a back room and I could suck you off. I’m dying to get my mouth on you, Derrick,” the train wreck says. What the fuck? Who does that?

  He chuckles, and the sound gives me goose bumps. Fucking goose bumps! As much as I don’t want to hear what Derrick says next, I can’t stop listening. It’s like watching a car accident. You know you should look away, but you can’t. So when he says, “I think the bridal suite is empty,” my heart shatters all over again.

  Claire and Sasha getting into the car wrench me from my memory. “You look beautiful, Ya,” Sasha says as she slides over so that her mother can get in.

  “Thanks, dolly. You look amazing. Brian won’t know what hit him when he sees you,” I say to her.

  Sasha is twenty-one, and looks just like her mother—stunning. Where I have blond hair, green-hazel eyes, and an athletic build, Claire and Sasha are brunettes with sea-green eyes and willow-esque figures. Sasha is kind, funny, witty, and easily distracted. Which is why she has had three majors in as many years.

  She blushes at my comment and giggles. Jesus what is up with the giggling? Applebee women do not giggle. Jami taught us better. Mom would be rolling over in her “fairy garden”, a beautiful little garden outside of her best friend’s home that looks just like it was designed by fairies themselves, if she could hear Sasha right now.

  Claire is looking at me hesitantly. I know that it’s because she’s worried that I’m still mad at her for earlier. Not one for discord, she finally says, “Zo, I’m really sorry about Derrick and bailing.”

  “Don’t, okay, Claire. Just don’t. Please,” I cut her off as quickly as I can without being snippy. “He isn’t worth it. And all I care about is him keeping whatever tramp he brings tonight in check and us getting the money we need for the facility. I will not allow Derrick Hendrickson to destroy all of our hard work. This is about Daddy and that is all that matters.”

  “You’re right,” she says. “You look amazing by the way. The men will be falling all over themselves to get to you tonight.”

  “As if, but thanks. I love that burgundy on you. You look like a goddess. I told you it would work.” Claire is wearing a one shoulder empire waist Badgley Mischka. It was beautiful on the hanger, but Claire makes it look regal and elegant. “I’m so glad that you went with it. You look gorgeous,” I say to my sister. I fall silent and look out the window, ending any further conversation.

  We are a few minutes away from the venue and Sasha and Claire are chatting away, excited about the upcoming evening. All I can do is pray that Derrick doesn’t fuck this up for us. I’m lost in thought when my phone vibrates. Looking down, I see a text from Ben.

  Ben: I’m sorry about tonight, but Suz needed me. I hope you understand

  Me: Whatever douche. I can’t believe you chose HIM!!!!!!

  Me: Is Suz okay? I texted and called earlier, but she didn’t answer.

  Me: Tell her I love her and that tonight isn’t the same without her. HER not YOU!!!

  Ben: Don’t be a bitch, Zoey.

  Ben: We love you very much and know that tonight will be a success.

  Ben: You will get the funds for the facility. Plus, Suzie and I are matching the top donation.

  Me: BASTARD!!! I want to hate you but can’t.

  Me: I love you, Bennie! Take care of our girl...Precious cargo and all. Our first baby...Puppies don’t count.

  Ben: LOL! We love you too, Zoey. Suzie says to make sure you kill it tonight, Bitch! Mac would be so proud of you.

  A tear slips out and I go to wipe it, but Claire, being ever prepared, hands me a tissue. “Ben?” She asks.

  “Yep.”

  “Suzie okay?”

  “Yeah, I think he used early labor to get out of tonight. I can’t blame him.” I look at my sister. She’s eyeing me, gaging my mood. “I’ve been looking forward to tonight for so long and now that it’s here, I want to run and hide,” I say. “Besides, I can’t be mad at Ben. He did, after all, get a replacement.” However bad that replacement might piss me off, he is one hell of an athlete; I can’t take that away from him.

  As we pull up to the venue, Claire gives me the rundown for the evening. Again. As if I hadn’t put the schedule together to begin with. It’s her job and I can’t fault a perfectionist. Besides, she is my sister, so I just roll my eyes and pretend to listen. Truth be told, I’m scared to death. This night could either make or break
the Coach’s Shadow Foundation. And me.

  DESPITE THE FACT that there aren’t any sunflowers in the room, the night is going well. Everyone who was invited and RSVP’d is here. Dinner has been served, and the only glitch in my giddy up is Derrick. He isn’t here yet and it’s almost time for him to take the podium. As I look out over the sea of people that came to support Mac and the foundation, I start to panic.

  What if he doesn’t show up? What if he shows and is drunk, or has a tramp with him and she makes an ass out of her, him, and me?

  The clock is ticking and my anxiety ratchets up another level. I have to stop worrying about what Derrick Hendrickson is going to do and focus on the speech I have to give.

  Stepping up to the podium, I smile at the room and take a deep breath. Letting it out, I begin. “Thank you all so very much for coming this evening. Mac would be so very flattered with the outcome. I’m sure most of you don’t know this, but my father was raised in the inner city. My grandparents, being first generation Irish to this country, met on the boat coming over.” I pause as laughs trickle throughout the room. “They raised four children in the tenements in Paterson, making sure that all four of their children got every opportunity this country had to offer. Which to them meant a college education. My grandparents often worked two and three jobs to make that happen. They were amazing people and instilled a work ethic that was unapproachable in my father. Because of that, he surpassed even their wildest dreams.

  “His love of family, both on and off the field, bordered on smothering; but if Mac loved you, you knew it. He was an amazing man and an even more outstanding coach and father. He taught my sister and me the meaning of family, loyalty and ultimately, forgiveness. He had a wicked sense of humor; and if you could make him laugh, there was never a better sound.” I take another deep breath and push away the emotions for now. “Plus, as an added bonus, he taught Claire and me about football. How many girls do you know can talk football better than some of the professionals?” There are more laughs throughout the room and I pause to enjoy the moment. “We know the difference between a blitz and the blindside. Well, besides the fact that they are on opposite sides of the ball!” Again the room erupts into laughter. “Dad loved the fundamentals of the game. Teaching them, coaching them, helping his athletes achieve them. They were, and will forever be, the beginning and the end of the game to him. Because of this we are here tonight. In honor of Robert McEvoy and the Coach’s Shadow Foundation, we are attempting to give twenty-five amazing athletes the opportunity that they otherwise would not be given. First and foremost, to learn the fundamentals of the game we all love. Secondly, to put those fundamentals into practice and achieve the goals in which are set before them on the field and in life. The fundamentals are what Mac enjoyed the most; and in the last few months of his life, the game is what he lived for.” The room has gone silent, and I know that I have everyone’s attention.